I'm not really nervous about it, but for some reason I can't stop thinking about it. If I live to be 90, this is 1/3 of my life that I have experienced thus far. 1/3 of my life spent, to become the woman I am today.
I've been reading my old journals lately. I think waiting 10 years before reading your journal is a good idea because you get to really tell yourself, "Now that was dumb! Good thing it was 10 years ago!"
I feel like I have grown into the person I want to be now. I know myself now better than I ever have and it's a very secure feeling.
When I was 17 I had so many hopes and dreams and I would write them all down. To me, life was such an adventure and I wanted to have it all!Oct 16, 1997: "If I could choose, I would just surf the rest of my life and be happy. Being in the ocean heals me and makes me whole. My one dream in life is to live on the beach, marry a surfer, and teach my children to love the sea."
Looking back on that statement makes me sad. A part of me feels like I have robbed a 17 year old of her dreams.
But, the 30 year old in me knows better.
If someone came up to me that day, back in 1997, and told me that someday I would find true happiness in 1.marrying the most intelligent and thoughtful man 2.in bearing children and finding joy in raising them 3.in being a strong and consciously aware Mother 4.in being involved in community service organizations 5.in being a disciple of Jesus Christ 6. In buying land, building a home, and settling down on my own property and 7. In experiencing new adventures with my little family,
I think I would have said, "Thank you! Thank you for saving me the hassle of trying to figure out how to be happy for so many years!!!"
However much I love the beautiful, tranquil, healing ocean, miss the invigorating, soul-soothing days of surfing, my heart truly belongs to the woman I've become. (The almost-30 year old one.)
