The other day I had a quick flash of memory of what it feels like to duck dive beneath a big, blue wave, surfboard beneath my body, salt water filling my eyes and nose. It felt so good. I could literally feel the ocean around me, as I popped to the surface again, -breathing fresh air, then paddling, paddling through the choppy sea.
It seems that everyone has a past life, especially as I talk to my other parent friends, who reminisce"I used to be a full-time yoga instructor, I used to run marathons, I used to write novels, I used to travel the world, I used to love staying up all night painting......" Each looking back with fondness at life before diapers, night-waking, and jobs that require a family income.
"I used to be a surfer," I try to explain to my 4 year old. But it doesn't register too much in his mind. Oh well. Sometimes when we're lying in bed, he asks me to tell him bedtime stories about when I was little. So I begin the story of "Little Mommy going surfing in Hawaii," explaining in detail, what I can remember, were my favorite things about surfing:
-Clean, glassy waves, about head high, on a hot,sunny day.
-Gliding into the water, surfboard beneath me, while navigating the best route through the crashing waves and currents.
-Feeling the salt water splash my face, and arms, and toes, as I paddle out beyond the crashing waves.
-Feeling refreshed, rejuvenated, and alive, with each duck dive.
-Watching the little fishes scatter as I paddle by.
-Sitting out in the deep, blue sea, legs dangling over my board, soaking in the view before me; green mountains, coconut trees, white sandy beach, friends houses lining the shore....
-Deciding which surf break will get better as the day progresses--- Perhaps Laniakeas, Pupukeas, Rocky Lefts, Velzeyland, Chuns, or Ehukai sandbars. So many possibilities, as the winds, and tides and currents change.
-Paddling into a wave, dropping in, crouching down, and feeling like I'm flying-literally flying over the ocean.
-Holding onto that rush-that natural high-and smiling bigger than I should be, as I paddle back out to catch another one.
-Getting caught in a current, and feeling my muscles pull hard against the ocean, until I finally pop out into the calm, stillness again.
-Catching my last wave in, exhausted yet exhilarated, heading home to eat and take a nap, until a sunrise session.
(a very 16 year old me)
When I'm done, I look over and he is fast asleep. And I have tears dripping down my face, remembering a time that is past gone. Oh well.
I wouldn't trade my life now for all the surfing sessions in the world, and this isn't really a post about sacrificing, or changing, or finding time as a Mom. It's simply just about missing surfing. My husband Micah always likes to say, "If you don't miss anything in life, maybe you've never truly lived."
I totally agree, and I totally miss surfing.
