as I do,
at 4:13 in the morning,
when I can't sleep,
because of some weird, internal alarm clock,
preparing me for a newborn,
I suppose.
So, I was just thinking about,
how excited I am to have this baby,
and that I keep calling it her,
even though that might be wishful thinking......,
and I won't be upset if she's a boy.
I was just thinking how,
I love this baby growing inside me,
kicking and squirming in there.
Growing organs, muscles, bones, and hair,
and becoming a little humanoid.
Who will someday laugh at the dinner table with us,
and tell funny jokes,
and have her own, quirky smile,
and her own talents and abilities,
and call me Mommy.
I was just thinking how jittery and excited I get,
about pushing her out.
Like planning for a party, or some big event,
where Micah and I are in charge, and she is the star.
Maybe this time I will try to bake a cake for her birth day.
I was thinking how ungrateful and stupid it is,
to complain about pregnancy.
Like somehow my size and shape,
my ability (or inability) to breathe and walk,
the aches and pains,
are somehow a curse to me.
They aren't.
Every day they are a beautiful reminder,
that God is blessing us with a child.
Thank you. Thank you a million times for making me a Mom.
23 weeks
And for transforming me into the person I am supposed to be.
More than a bump on my belly,
I am becoming the daughter of God,
who is fullfilling my destiny,
completely and lovingly,
and becoming a better person each day.
Not because of anything I've done.
No, no, no, that would've been way too chaotic.
But because He allowed me to open my heart,
and become a wife, and a Mother.
Those two things changed my life forever.
I am thinking I will go back to bed now and cuddle my family.
