We have chosen a midwife and are excited about her. She's the soft, grandmotherly type, who looks you in the eye when she talks, and makes you feel warm when she enters the room. She came over to our home for a casual interview, and we knew as soon as she walked out the door that we couldn't imagine anyone else at our home birth.
She's very hands-off, but competent. She's very professional, but not interested in the profits of the birthing business. She's knowledgeable and expereinced, but expects us to be just as involved and informed. She's just what we want.
(Little Z holding baby O)
We had our first pre-natal appointment, at 20 weeks. The baby sounds great, plenty of fluid and movement in there. I feel healthy and strong, and ready to give birth again.
I am 24 weeks along now.
It's weird thinking about giving birth again. I get all jittery and excited, and my dreams are full of pushing babies out! I am especially excited to birth at home again--for so many reasons........
(Little O)
We had decided before our first baby was born at the hospital, that we would be well informed, and we would make the major decisions regarding our birth. We learned very quickly to ask "why?", when we were told to do something at the hospital. We realized that hospital protocol can really interfere with a healthy, normal birth. It was important for us to be able to make our own choices--even if it meant standing up for them.
Sometimes when I'd talk to people, I'd get the impression that they'd wished I’d just go along, do what I’m told, not make a fuss, be a compliant girl-- Why are you doing things different? why are you being so difficult? Just let the experts do their thing......
It was really disheartening, and discouraging.
There was this woman at church who would ask me every single week, "So what does the doctor say about the baby this week?"
She seemed to completely undermine my ability to think, feel, and choose for myself. Like the doctor had the last say on everything to do with my body, our baby, and our birth. I always thought how nice it would have been if she asked each week," How are you doing? How do you feel, and what is your body telling you about your growing baby?"
These simple questions would've allowed me to open up and talk about my spiritual, mental, emotional, and physical journey, as I was preparing for my first birth. How cool that would've been to share that bond with a woman I really liked. But she didn't get it.
When we decided to birth at home, I realized that many people wouldn't understand. There is so much fear and misunderstanding surrounding the natural process of childbirth. It's really nice for us now, to be at a place where we don't need to care what anyone else thinks.
In fact, one of my favorite quotes is, "To work in the world lovingly means that we are defining what we will be for, rather than reacting to what we are against." by Christina Baldwin.
I love this quote because it reminds me that I don't need to react negatively to what everyone else around me is doing--even if I disagree passionately. When I get to choose for myself how I want to birth--to birth at home-- I am at peace. I don't have to find myself surrounded by negativity, reacting to everything that I am against. Instead I find that I am excited, jittery, and cheerfully waiting for the arrival of our baby! I am also listening closely to my body, praying for guidance each day, finding happiness in the closeness our family feels as we prepare for our baby together, and lovingly accepting all the opinions I get from the world around me.
There is no fear. There is no doubt. There is no negativity. Just pure excitement!
(little Z)
We believe it's still important to continue to ask "why?", even now. We trust our midwife, but in the end we know that it is our birth. We are grateful for a midwife that completely respects that fact.
And If an unlikely emergency occurs in the course of this next birth, we will know that we asked "why?" all the way to the hospital, and made the best choices for our baby and me. And we will be grateful for the assistance we receive there.
But, in the meantime, we believe that birthing at home is the safest, most comfortable, most wonderful way to bring our baby into the world.
I am excited! We are excited!
(I realize I switch back and forth from I, we, our. That's because Micah and I feel inseparably the same.)
