lost toy

I know I've been feeling overwhelmed lately. I guess adjusting to our brand new baby has been harder than I thought.
I remembered yesterday that there's this service auction at Relief Society tonight. They're having a big dinner, then auctioning off services people have donated from the ward. I've known about it for a month and planned in the back of my mind to make something, or bake something to donate, but now it's happening today and I haven't done a thing. It's things like this where I really want to be a part of something, and participate my time and talents, but in reality, I just can't. I woke up this morning feeling more optimistic about it, and decided I would bake some bread, then realized I was out of flour. And well, I just don't feel like I can lug the kids to the grocery store this morning. Not with the snow, and the runny noses, and the baby sleeping. Oh it goes on and on......

My favorite thing to do with the kids right now is swimming! We go to our new apartment pool almost every other day. The baby takes his big, morning nap in the stroller, while me and the two boys play games and kick around for hours. I forgot how much I love swimming. It was such a huge part of my life for so long, growing up in Hawaii. I feel like this pool is reuniting me with an inner joy I've forgotten about. It just makes me really happy to swim.

The other night after dinner I realized that we had left a toy at the swimming pool that day. Since baby was napping and the boys were playing a game with my husband, I slipped out by myself to go grab the toy. The stars were out, and the apartments were all quiet. It was a nice, peaceful, 5 minute stroll to the pool. When I got there I looked for the toy but it wasn't there. I was turning to leave when the shiny glimmer of the stars, on the pool's surface, caught my eye. It looked so lovely and inviting. I thought how nice it would be to swim right now, by myself, under the moonlight.

But,I quickly pushed that thought away. I thought instead that I needed to get back to the kids for bedtime, for everyone would need my help before too long.
As I headed back home I felt some resentment for my family for a moment, feeling like I never have time to do anything for myself. I felt tears well up in my eyes, feeling part pity for me, and part guilt for feeling pity for me.

Then suddenly, I just stopped thinking, and started running towards the pool.
With one, big, cannonball leap, I was jumping feet first into the pool, with all my clothes on.
"Woooohooooooooo!," I yelled at the top of my lungs!

I swam around for several minutes, floating on the surface, and looking at the stars. It was so refreshing, so invigorating, and so......me! My smile felt as big as the moon.

When I got home I was soaking wet. No one really noticed as I snuck back into the bedroom to change. I heard my husband yell down the hall, "So did you find the toy?" "No", I replied, unconcerned about the lost toy. For I knew more importantly, that I had found a little piece of myself tonight.