Snowflakes, back to Seashells

We were sitting on the couch together when we finally clicked the "buy tickets" button on Micah's laptop. We said one more prayer together, one last time, to make sure that if either of us had any last doubts, they would surface at that time. But neither of us felt any last-minute doubts, instead we both felt absolutely certain that this was the right move;the right thing to do.
It's been one week since we purchased our families one-way to tickets to Hawaii, and I have to admit, I am beyond happy!

Yes, we are moving to the lovely Polynesian islands!
It's so surreal to me still.
I am elated, and nervous, and excited, and overwhelmed, all at once!

I am selling things, getting rid of things, packing things, and all the while, mentally preparing myself for our whole world to change.

One night this week I had a dream that I was walking down the beach with the kids, catching sand crabs and collecting sea-shells. Then we all jumped into the warm, clear-blue ocean together. Micah was in the water doing back flips, and the baby was in my arms smiling happily. It was the most joyous dream, the kind that really feels real.

Then I woke up. It took me a moment to readjust my brain and realize where I was.
I quickly looked around to see I was still in our small city apartment, surrounded by traffic, and sidewalks, and neighbors that complain about our noise.

As my dream came back into focus, I got so unbelievably happy knowing that this dream would be our new reality.

Someone said the other day,"Aww, you're so lucky! I wish we knew what the heck we were doing! Maybe if we could figure things out, we could move where we want to, too."

My response,"Well, this decision didn't happen overnight! This is the result of us moving 4 times, working 5 different jobs, 6 years of college, 3 kids being born, 5 apartment rentals, 1 house foreclosure, 7 years of marriage, countless tax returns, 1 building of 1 savings account, and one big move to the big city, which forced us to do something different!"

Looking back on it all, if we had done what we wanted to do all the time, we wouldn't of gotten anything done that we had to do, and therefore we wouldn't have been able to build our family, and build our lives. You have to do the hard stuff first before you can do what you want. And oftentimes you may never live where you think you want, but will be happy where you are anyways. (God has a way of making that work out, too.)
This is a hard reality for a lot of people. Heck, it is hard for me! But, we're finally at a place where we can do some things that we want to do. And not only that, it's what we feel is the best choice.

Thanks to Micah for making my dreams come true.
First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes a baby in a baby carriage, then comes moving back to Hawaii.

Jonah, getting ready to walk on sand:

Hawaii and stuff

I'm starting to have pre-moving jitters and anxiety, about getting on a plane and relocating 3000 miles away! We don't officially have a job offer yet, but Micah and I have decided to make plans to move. Yes, it is an adventure, but yes, I am getting a bit nervous about it.

Believe it or not, it was Micah's idea to finally make the decision to move to Hawaii. Although I'm the one who grew up there, and I'm the one who has dreamed of moving back for so many years, I am also the one who had all these fears and reservations about making the plunge to just do it.
It seems that every time we brought it up these past years, I would get really turned off by the price of realty, or the loss of opportunities over there, or the fact that we'll be so far away from some of our family, and all our friends we've made on the mainland. After being here for 10 years, it was really hard for me to mentally part with it. I feel in so many ways that I have done all my growing up here. It was my move to the mainland that gave me my husband and my family, and my grown up life. I was feeling that, by moving away, I would be leaving myself here! It was a scary feeling, which encouraged all these other fears and reservations about moving over there. (Yes, I am an oddball, as if you didn't know that.)

Then my sweet Micah would hug me, and laugh at me, and do a bunch of research and thinking, and come back to counter my arguments. "We can afford our own land on the Big Island," he'd say. "We will have so much fun stuff to do and so many adventures to go on!," he'd argue. "We can come back every year and visit family, and I'll bet our friends will come to Hawaii to see us," he'd explain, making me realize that we can do it, and that it is what we really want to do.

And it is really what I want to do! In fact, the reality of our move is getting closer and closer, to where I can actually smell plumerias and taste manapua! das right!
And all those fears about moving, they are gone, gone, gone, like a jet-plane to Hawaii. Yes, I want to move back, and yes, I will be bringing my grown-up, married self along with me. ha ha.

So, I am so excited to get back to da kine! I am so excited to introduce our kids to sea turtles, and surfing, and rainforests, and mango trees. Micah and I are so excited to plant our seeds and roots in such a beautiful, natural paradise, where there is more than enough to do for all of us! Zadok is already so excited about all the animals. He asks us everyday what sorts of critters live on the land and in the sea. (He is planning out his Polynesian-creature-power suits)
I am really excited to plant myself in a community long-term, to get to know the people and the ward there, and be involved with all the little, wonderful things that make up life.


Back to the annoying jitters. So why these annoying jitters? Well, every morning now, I wake up and look around my house and think, "Oh my holy goodness, I have to do something with all this stuff!"
This apartment is filled with seven years of our marriage belongings, necessities, presents, souvenirs, furniture, books, toys, appliances, and stuff that we have collected as a family. When I was single I had 2 large boxes to my name! Now I have an entire household and more. Since we can't take it all with us, my huge, overwhelming task at hand is to organize, categorize, simplify, and downsize, until we are down to almost nothing but the essentials.

Well, almost the essentials. There's still a lot I can't part with.

I don't get attached to furniture, which is good. It will be easy to sell or get rid of all our dressers and beds and chairs and such. (which half of them came from thrift stores, anyways)
However, as I look around I can't help but sniffle over the thought of parting with my wooden, handcrafted, 1975 sewing-thread holder, or our nice set of glass Pyrex bowls we got at our wedding. Then there's little things like the snow globe of Temple Square that I got Micah for Christmas one year, and the toy keyboard we gave to Zadok while he was waiting for Odin to be born in the other room. What about those? They are cheap and replaceable, but hold nostalgic memories for me. Then there's the little knick knacks and kitchen things that we take for granted every day; the garlic press, the rolling pin, my beaded purse, and don't forget the junk drawer of random necessities that glues our whole family together!
Do I just let them all go and replace them later? And what about all the gifts we've received over the years? The toys that the boys love and cherish, and the wooden train set they love? I can't part with gifts! AAAAaaaaagh! This is making my head spin.
And what about giving stuff away? Does anyone need a nebulizer, a giant fan, or a popcorn popper? They are all free, along with boxes and boxes of other stuff I'll be producing over the next couple months.

On another note, I was thinking again this weekend how badly I want this to all work out, and asking God to hear my prayers about Micah getting a good job over there. Then the thought came to me that God wants me to be happy and live a life I love, but he also knows that I can be happy anywhere, because I have a family that I love.
This is really the thought that puts the icing on the cake for me. Hawaii is merely a tasty lick of frosting compared to what we already have.

So, I really hope we can get over there, and that Micah gets a job offer, but if we end up staying and working here, I won't cry and make a big fuss. Promise.

Seriously though, does anyone need a maddock?

waiting for the call

We've decided we really want to move to Hawaii, the place where I grew up and we both love. Micah flew over for a preliminary interview a couple weeks ago, and now all we can do is sit here and wait for the call.

Waiting is the really hard part. We know they need teachers, specifically in his field. We know they will be hiring. We know they need teachers and will be hiring right where we want to live. But we don't know if they will hire us.

This is the part that requires the utmost faith, that yes, God has a plan for us, and yes, whatever happens will be for the "welfare of thy souls."
We're doing all we can to work hard and make things happen in the direction we feel is right, and now we wait.
So, we are waiting for the call. Waiting, waiting, waiting......waiting for the future to unfold. I think they start hiring at the end of May. This waiting is going to be annoying.

Today I am focusing my positive energy and prayers in the direction of Hawaii. You, my little, tropical islands, are on my mind, and I can't wait to reunite with you, we think.

Soul Surfer

There's a new Hollywood surf movie coming out April 8th, called "Soul Surfer," about the life of Bethany Hamilton. She was the 13 (now 21) year old girl who was attacked by a shark while surfing on Kauai in 2003, losing her entire left arm.
I hadn't paid too much attention to the news story at the time it happened. I was living here in Utah, far away from Hawaii and the surfing scene. But I remember being shocked about the way it happened, because it was such a beautiful, crystal-clear morning, and the shark just came out of nowhere.
I can remember so many times waking up early, as a young girl, before the sun had risen, to catch those crystal clear waves, just like her. You never thought in your head, "A shark might come bite my arm off." But...It happens, and it happened to the little Bethany Hamilton.

When I heard this movie was coming out I decided to go check out her book at the library, and read about it, first. The book is also called, "Soul Surfer," and it is actually a really inspiring book! At first I was intrigued by the shark attack, and had fun reading about her life surfing and growing up in Hawaii, but most importantly, I walked away super inspired by her faith in God and Jesus Christ.

Bethany Hamilton is a Christian and believes that this shark attack, which was really traumatic and hard, actually opened up a window for her to teach others about Christ. How awesome is that!
She has taken this opportunity to be a missionary, and to be an example of hope and faith that God has a plan for us, even when life doesn't go the way we expect it to. She has helped so many people to have hope during hard things in their lives, especially youth who have undergone serious accidents and problems they didn't feel they could overcome.
After Bethany's shark attack and loss of one arm, she still went on to become a professional, champion surfer. Now that's hardcore!

I loved reading this book, and I loved that her optimistic attitude allowed her to use this accident as a way to serve others and God. Can't wait for the movie to come out.
I hope it conveys the same positive message as the book.

(And when I say book, I'm talking hardback, thick font, double spacing, with pictures, written by a 14 year old. It's an easy one, and I read it in 2 hours. Go check it out!)

Hilo to Portland to who knows where.......

We've been putting a lot of consideration into where our next move will be, and Hilo, HI has been on our list. Other places of interest are Portland, OR, and moving back to good old Cedar City, UT.
If you asked me where I would want to live for the rest of my life I would hands-down vote for a beautiful, beachfront property in Mokuleia, Oahu. If you haven't stepped onto the secluded beaches of Mokuleia, then imagine the most perfect, peaceful paradise, surrounded by crystal clear water, swaying palm trees, awesome surf, laid back people. I love it there. In fact, I love so many things about where I grew up. To me, the North Shore is home. All of my wonderful memories of Hawaii exist solely on the island Of Oahu, where I found a connection and love for the ocean that will stay with me forever. But, the housing market has risen so much over the years, that living on the North Shore isn't possible for us. It's too expensive--like a million dollars too expensive.

So, we looked towards the outer islands and found that Hilo is still affordable--we could buy a house and property in Hilo, which is what we want for our family. So, why not move to Hilo? It's Hawaii, right?
But, as I've been pondering and praying over this, I came to realize--it's not my Hawaii, and It's not my home. When I think of moving back to Hawaii, I don't think I could live anywhere else besides the North Shore of Oahu. And this may seem like crazy thinking, but why settle for somewhere that your not sure you'd like, when you know you could be happy in say...Portland, OR. Or what about going back to our beloved Cedar City, UT and settling on our land?

Right now we feel like our next big move we make, well, we want it to be it. I want to buy a house and raise my kids there for the next 100 years. I want to make marks in the walls of how tall they get. I want the security and comfort of a permanent address. I want to plant little, baby trees and watch them grow to be big, adult trees. I want our kids to put their hand prints in the newly-poured cement, and see it there 30 years later. I want a dog and some chickens. I want us to start working towards the goal of buying a home that we will love.

So, although we can't live in Mokuleia, a huge part of me wants to linger on the possibility of moving to Hilo, because I'm just not ready to completely let go of Hawaii! I think of all the awesome things I love about Hawaii--the ocean, the surf, the marine life, the rain forests, the bonfires, the laid back and diverse culture, the smell of the Plumerias blooming in Spring, teaching my boys how to surf......and I want that life. But I don't want Hilo.
So we've been looking into moving to Portland, which we both know we love. It's a beautiful place and I think we could be really happy there. And we could be happy in Cedar City, but who knows when there will be a job opening there for Micah.

Sometimes I just want someone to jump out of the bushes and tell us where we'd be happiest living; where our dreams are actually lying, waiting for us.

the bay

So this is the beach we lived by, nearly all my life.
On the way right hand side, we would snorkel among the coral and rocks, chasing little fishies around in circles. In the middle of the bay, way out where the ocean gets darker and deeper, is where I would paddle my longboard and sit and wait for dolphins. (In the Summer, you can almost always find Spinner dolphins jumping thru the middle of the Bay, and It's an awesome expereince to swim with them.)
On the left hand side is the large rock where we'd jump off, over and over and over again. Many late-nights were also spent jumping off the rock under the full moon.
The sandy stretch of beach is where I would run laps back and forth to warm up for my morning swims. I would run til I felt hot and sweaty, then jump in on the right hand side. I would swim to the large rock and back several times. I always found the same sea turtle swimming by me, nearly every day. My little dog would chase me back and forth as I swam.
Way out beyond the rocks on the left is where I used to take my kayak. Just me and my little dog would go out to sea and explore the rocks beyond. I would lie down on a big slab of lava rock and sunbathe until I got too hot, then paddle back home.
Near the right side, on the sand, is where I would gather with friends and family to watch the most gorgeous red, yellow, and orange Sunsets. I remember as a little girl thinking," This must be what heaven looks like."
In the Winter months the ocean swells got so huge, that it was too dangerous to swim. We would stand on the right-hand side and watch one of the greatest natural phenomenons ever, as surfers from all over the world came to ride these ginormous waves.
On the far left side is where I last swam at the bay, 6 years ago, with my husband-to-be.We jumped off the rock and collected sea shells. I remember him doing a really long yoga head-stand, and wondering if he'd ever fall down.

So why am I writing about Waimea Bay? Because I just miss it today, and
if I close my eyes, I can still feel the warm, clear water around me. Someday I'll be back......someday.......
And maybe this is what I think about while I'm waiting for our baby to come out.

I used to be a Surfer

I get these quick flashes in my mind of diving beneath the ocean, or swimming at sunrise, or watching my shadow swim beneath me in the crystal, clear waters of the Hawaii beaches where I grew up. They are quick flashes of memories, that hold still for only seconds in my mind, before I am snapped back to reality. I never bother to hang onto them very long, because they are not my reality anymore. But, deep down the memories are still there, and I am holding onto them, if only for seconds.

The other day I had a quick flash of memory of what it feels like to duck dive beneath a big, blue wave, surfboard beneath my body, salt water filling my eyes and nose. It felt so good. I could literally feel the ocean around me, as I popped to the surface again, -breathing fresh air, then paddling, paddling through the choppy sea.


It seems that everyone has a past life, especially as I talk to my other parent friends, who reminisce"I used to be a full-time yoga instructor, I used to run marathons, I used to write novels, I used to travel the world, I used to love staying up all night painting......" Each looking back with fondness at life before diapers, night-waking, and jobs that require a family income.

"I used to be a surfer," I try to explain to my 4 year old. But it doesn't register too much in his mind. Oh well. Sometimes when we're lying in bed, he asks me to tell him bedtime stories about when I was little. So I begin the story of "Little Mommy going surfing in Hawaii," explaining in detail, what I can remember, were my favorite things about surfing:

-Clean, glassy waves, about head high, on a hot,sunny day.
-Gliding into the water, surfboard beneath me, while navigating the best route through the crashing waves and currents.
-Feeling the salt water splash my face, and arms, and toes, as I paddle out beyond the crashing waves.
-Feeling refreshed, rejuvenated, and alive, with each duck dive.
-Watching the little fishes scatter as I paddle by.
-Sitting out in the deep, blue sea, legs dangling over my board, soaking in the view before me; green mountains, coconut trees, white sandy beach, friends houses lining the shore....
-Deciding which surf break will get better as the day progresses--- Perhaps Laniakeas, Pupukeas, Rocky Lefts, Velzeyland, Chuns, or Ehukai sandbars. So many possibilities, as the winds, and tides and currents change.
-Paddling into a wave, dropping in, crouching down, and feeling like I'm flying-literally flying over the ocean.
-Holding onto that rush-that natural high-and smiling bigger than I should be, as I paddle back out to catch another one.
-Getting caught in a current, and feeling my muscles pull hard against the ocean, until I finally pop out into the calm, stillness again.
-Catching my last wave in, exhausted yet exhilarated, heading home to eat and take a nap, until a sunrise session.

(a very 16 year old me)

When I'm done, I look over and he is fast asleep. And I have tears dripping down my face, remembering a time that is past gone. Oh well.
I wouldn't trade my life now for all the surfing sessions in the world, and this isn't really a post about sacrificing, or changing, or finding time as a Mom. It's simply just about missing surfing. My husband Micah always likes to say, "If you don't miss anything in life, maybe you've never truly lived."

I totally agree, and I totally miss surfing.

BIG BLUE

When I was 11 years old, I lived down the street from a place called Sharks Cove. This particular cove is world-famous for it’s snorkeling and scuba diving. It’s coral reefs are filled with bright, tropical fish, and underwater beauty, which can only be seen once you plunge beneath the deep, blue waters of the pacific ocean.

As a child, my brothers, sister, and friends spent hours and hours exploring these reefs. Our entire summer months, and even after school days, were spent swimming and diving amongst these breathtaking reefs and corals. Once we dove beneath the calm waters of this cove, we entered into a beautiful world apart from everything else.
Sharks cove became a second home to us, as we practiced diving deep; swimming with the sea turtles, poking at the vibrant colored sea urchins, collecting sea shells and other treasures, swimming circles with the massive schools of fish, and letting the sun warm us as we lay on the rocks.
One of our favorite pastimes was swimming through underwater caves. There were quite a few caves at Sharks cove, all different lengths and sizes. None of them were very long, and we could all swim through them with minimal diving experience. After so many years of swimming, holding our breath underwater became second nature to us.

There was “crab cave”, which was a tiny cave with an air pocket at the top, filled with black crabs. There was “turtle cave”, where all the sea turtles took their naps. It wasn’t very long, and you were almost always certain to bump into a turtle as you swam through. There was “elevator cave”, which you had to swim down about 10 feet, swim through a small opening in the reef, then shoot up to a small hole at the top of the rocks. There was”L” cave, shaped like an “L”. This was my personal favorite, because there was a sea current that pushed you through it real fast so that you never had to hold your breath very long. All of these caves were fun and brought us hours of enjoyment.

However, there was one cave I didn’t go through. It was called “Big Blue”. My brothers went through it, my sister went through it, my friends went through it. Even the tourists coming to the cove for the first time went through it. But not me.

This cave wasn’t much unlike the others. It was rather short, you didn’t have to hold your breath long, and was right there in the cove. But there was one BIG difference. In order to get to the entrance to the cave you had to walk over the rocks to a crevice. Then you had to sit on the edge of the crevice, with your legs dangling into the opening of the cave. Then you had to slip down into the water of the opening of the cave, which was pitch black, and to an 11 year old girl— this spelled scary.
Everyone told me, til they were blue in the face, that it looks scary at first because you can’t see where you're going, but once you dive down into the blackness, a tiny blue light appears. Just follow the light until it gets bigger and bigger, and you're almost out.
Okay I thought, “Dive down into pitch blackness, keep swimming, hold my breath, see a tiny blue light, start swimming towards it....” Yah right! I might as well die right now!

Years went by and I never did Big Blue. I would keep telling myself,“I can’t do it because I can’t see where I’m going.” “I need to see where I’m going and then I’ll know I can do it.”

One Saturday Morning I woke up before everyone else. I grabbed my diving mask and headed down the street to the cove. I started walking out to my usual jump off point then stopped short. It was a beautiful, calm day. The water was crystal clear and sparkling. The breeze was calm and peaceful.
I walked out upon the rocks to the opening of the Big Blue cave crevice. I sat on the edge, I dangled my feet into the pitch, black water, I put on my mask and I dove down. I was so nervous. I was so scared. I wanted to stop myself. I wanted to say, “You can’t do this, you have no idea what’s going to happen, you can’t see ahead, you are going to fail.” But something changed inside me that day, and I jumped right in.
Swimming down into the blackness felt like forever. It seemed I was just swimming deeper, and deeper, and deeper, until finally--the tiny blue light. I swam towards the light, it got bigger and bigger. I stopped for a moment and looked around and saw why this cave was called BIG BLUE. The blue light illuminated the cave so brightly, that I was suddenly surrounded by the prettiest, blueist, ocean colors I have ever seen, on every side of me. It was a moment I will never forget. I then swam towards the light of the sun and finally popped my head up on the other side. I DID BIG BLUE!

From that day on I couldn’t understand why I had been so scared and so hesitant to do it. Once I had done it, I could just keep going, and do it over and over. I never questioned myself again. But I know why I was so hesitant, because I couldn’t see where I was going.

There are many times in my life where I can’t see where I am going, and I feel myself tense up again, just like I did in those days of Big Blue. Right now, as Micah is finishing up school, and we will be applying for jobs, I can honestly say I am scared. We moved to Cedar City without knowing what was in store for us here, and fell in love with it. We made plans to stay here forever. However, the hope for a job opening for Micah is really...just hope. We don't know where we will end up, and I feel like my legs are dangling into deep blackness again.

I know there is something beautiful, bright, and wonderful in store for us, wherever we go, I just need the courage to take that jump again....deeper and deeper until we see that tiny light.

My safety box

It wasn't the hottest of Summers, as I thought it would be. I had planned last Spring, that this would be a Summer of massive heat waves, that would send my family heading to the nearest rivers to cool off. But as I recall, mid-July wasn't anything to hose my head off.
However, at the end of August a heat wave came through, which sent us heading for the Iron Town pond. We took the little paddle boat out. The boys sat in the boat, while I swam behind them. I hadn't swam freely like this, in a long time, and it felt so good to immerse my whole body in the water. (Without a little one holding onto me).
My limbs stretched and reached, as far they could go. My breath was fast and pulsing, as I raced through the ripples of current, left behind by the boat. I dove down and opened my eyes. Yellow/green was all I could see.
I did freestyle strokes, side strokes, frog kicks, and dolphin spins, until I was completely out of breath. As I emerged from one of my dives I had this huge, permanent smile on my face. Then I felt something that I haven't felt in a long time and it shocked me! I felt pure bliss. It was a sudden sensation and it didn't last long, but I felt it! I had forgotten how much I loved swimming, and for a tiny instant I was reminded of how blissfully happy it makes me.

I grew up swimming. We lived across the street from the beach and the ocean was my sanctuary. I recall so many evenings where I would just swim, and swim, until the sun went down. I could often see my Mom cooking dinner in the window, and sometimes that was enough to lure me in, but otherwise, I lived in the ocean. Swimming was always the one thing that made me so blissfully happy that I didn't need much else to survive.



Feeling that pure sensation made me think that there are so many things I don't do anymore, that I love. There are so many things I have pushed aside, forgotten, and let go of, to make room for my family.
Instead of free-swimming, I am now teaching my son how to kick and blow bubbles under water.
Instead of going out dancing, I am showing my kids my funky moves on the living room floor, (as they laugh hysterically at me).
Instead of surfing, I am teaching my kids the ways of the wilderness; camping, hiking, exploring, and learning about animals.
Instead of taking an aerobics class, I am doing workout videos and chasing my kids around the church gym with my exercizing, Mommy friends.
Instead of running miles and miles, and testing my endurance, I am pushing 72 lbs of jogging stroller while playing, "I spy with my little eyes."
Instead of reading my favorite novels, I am becoming well read in Dr. Seuss and The Little Critter.
Instead of going out to the movies, I am eating popcorn and watching Star Wars for the 20th time, on the sofa.
Instead of long road trips and traveling adventures, I am watching my children become a part of a community that they love.
And on and on.....

It's easy to say, "Hire a babysitter and take an hour for yourself to do what you love." And yes, I do that sometimes, but there are too many hours in the day to do all the things I used to love. All those things that were purely blissfull and self-fullfilling, well............
My heart has just had to leave a lot of those things behind.
It's amazing what a family can do to you.

I decided that there is a safety box that has all these things kept inside it. And one day when the time is right, and I've got the freedom and desire to open it, those purely blissful feelings are waiting for me.

For now, I've got kids, and they are purely blissful in ways I can't even begin to describe.

I miss you, Hawaii

I miss you, Hawaii. I miss so many things about you, and some days my heart is just really full of heartache and love for you. Some days I miss you so much it hurts to be away. Some days I try so hard to push out thoughts of you, but you keep coming back into my head. Maybe instead of blocking you out today I will write about you instead.

I miss sitting on the beach at dusk and waiting for the sun to set; for something red, orange and beautiful to transpire before my eyes. I miss the warmth of the sun on my face as I lay lazily in the sand. I miss running and diving into the water, watching my shadow swim below me in your crystal blue seas.
I miss the way the water sparkles and glows beneath the sunshine. I miss swimming out beyond your reefs and looking down at vast blue darkness. I miss waiting for dolphins to join me, then laughing at their dances. I miss the company of your fish. Colorful, magnificent, cute, little fish! I miss the way your Sea Turtles always snuck up behind me and scared me senseless in their silence. I miss swimming in your coves, holding my breath through your underwater caves. I miss diving for hours for sea shells in your reefs, after the calm of a big swell. I miss surfing. Oh how I miss surfing! I miss being out in the ocean for hours and breathing in freedom..... The smell, the sights, the sounds of your ocean, an easy escape for me. I miss the way the ocean could heal me from illness, and heartache.
I miss hiking in your jungles, and swimming in your waterfalls. I miss the rain. Yes, I even miss the rain. I miss eating mango, avocado, guava, and papaya from your trees. I miss the smell of my favorite flower, the Plumeria, blossoming in Spring. I miss stringing leis for friends and wearing leis on special occasions. I miss bonfires on your beach, with friends and loved ones. I miss sleeping in your sand and waking up to the sound of waves crashing. Those make the best dreams....
I miss being warm. I miss wearing pareos every day. I miss wearing a plumeria behind my ear just because. I miss Jah-waiian music, even if it gets annoying and overplayed on the radio. I miss real luaus, real Poly food, and real hula dancing. I miss speaking pidgin.
I miss those mornings when I woke up early and I was the only one on your beach. I watched the sun rise, I smelled the early ocean breezes, I jumped into your warm water, I found a few sea-shell treasures, and I came home ready to start the day. Refreshed, rejuvenated, and alive.

I miss you like a dear friend. Sometimes I ask myself, "How can I be a whole person here, when a piece of my heart is three thousand miles away?"

I guess missing you is a part of my life that isn't missing, if that makes any sense..


Kahuku grad, 1997

Top 2 pictures : 1. Waimea Bay where we grew up around the corner. 2. Three tables--the beach in front of my families house where I swam daily. :)

Happy Birthday Dad!

Today is my Dad's birthday. Today I am not in Hawaii right now having dinner at some exotic ethnic restaurant, followed by a movie, followed by a delicious helping of Ghiradelli ice-cream. And I wish I was! I truly miss my outings with Dad!

Some of my most favorite memories are driving out to Honolulu for a date with my Dad! I would get in my car about 4pm and gas up for the long drive thru the pineapple fields, past dirty Wahiawa, past Aiea stadium, and along the H-1. I would always hit traffic once I got closer to Honolulu, but I didn't care because I was excited to see Dad. I would get off at my exit, and go past all the government buildings, the Queen Liliokalani Palace, and the Kamehameha Statue. Finally, my Dad's office. The P.U.C.
The building doors were always locked so I'd throw rocks at his office window to let him know I was there.
Then out would come my Dad, ready for a night out on the town with me. We would get in my bomber car and off we'd go!

He always had a list of restaurants to choose from. "What do you feel like this week?" he would ask. "There's a new Korean restaurant downtown, or we could try that Thai food one in Waikiki. Or how about Indian food, or Greek food, or Filipino food, or Balinese food?"
He always kept up on the latest restaurant openings, so we'd never feel dull on our culinary adventures. I don't think we ever ate at the same place twice, unless it had something really amazing to offer. (Like Evil Prince Panang Curry).
Each week was always a tasty adventure.

After stuffing ourselves with yummy food, we'd always head to a movie. We'd usually see thelatest box office hits, however, we went through a short phase of watching foreign films at the Independent theater near Manoa University. One of my favorites was this German film (with English sub-titles) where this couple who couldn't conceive a baby, adopted a tree root. Then the tree got really big and started eating everybody. I forget what it was called, but I remember us laughing hysterically at the craziness of it all.

I have to admit that my food adventures have derailed over the past couple years. Idaho and Utah aren't exactly the places to find exotic cuisine.
But, thanks to all these wonderful memories with my Dad, I can never say I haven't tried some of the most delicious foods on Earth.

(And yes, I tried the chocolate-covered squid you sent me. It was.....interesting)
HAPPY 60th BIRTHDAY to the Dad who is dependable and in control, but is never a bore!


My last outing with Dad before I moved to the mainland. Leilani, Genevieve, and Taylor, too!