The lately's and other happenings

Well, our entire apartment is in boxes. Sometimes this project of moving 3000 miles away overseas, feels like something I am not equipped to do! There's days I feel like I really lack the patience and skills to manage my own home, amidst the chaos of packing and keeping kids happy!! It's been tough for me to organize and prioritize my belongings, stay patient with my children, and then on top of that, take care of my needs. Moving to Hawaii is not an easy task, and sometimes I find myself asking, "Am I sure I am grown up enough for this job? This seems like something that someone else should be doing; someone more mature, more capable, and more organized." But alas, it is me. And Micah, of course. He's been taking care of so many little details, too!
I will be so relieved when we get off that airplane onto Hawaiian soil!


And my needs do get taken care of, in so many little ways. I've been having intense headaches and back pain every evening, on and off for several weeks, and had to stop jogging because my left hip was out of place. When I took baby Jonah into the chiropractor about his ears, the thought occurred to me, as we were leaving, that I should have an adjustment. It was the last thing on my busy mind, but the thought prevailed. I quickly asked the chiropractor if he wouldn't mind adjusting me while my kids wreaked havoc on his office. He obliged and cracked me and put my bones back together, in places I didn't know possible. I left his office walking on clouds, and have been feeling amazing ever since. No more headaches, and I can run again. Thank you, skeleton doctor. Why is it that we Moms, sometimes take care of ourselves, last?
And I can wear my baby comfortably again, too.

I organized a reunion with some great friends from the Anasazi Foundation days. These are some of my favorite people on earth. I could've sat there all day laughing about all our old trail stories. Working at Anasazi was one of the greatest experiences of my whole life.
Trailwalkers unite:




Zadok and Odin are still so excited all the time to learn about animals. We go to the library and check out books every week about their favorites. One day a few weeks ago Zadok got really excited about bats, and wanted to BE one. He begged me to make him bat wings, so this is what I came up with: a tarp, with elastic sewn onto it.
They were the two, cutest bats I've ever seen!



We said goodbye to Pinky the bus. I was very reluctant to sell it, as we've had some fun family memories driving it around the past 5 years. But, once it was sold, I was totally fine. Moving on from material things is part of the moving process, I think.


Lastly (for now), I love this man with all my heart. He does amazing things, as a father, husband, and provider for this family. He has many doubts about his abilities, as well, but somehow is able to provide strength to all of us because of who he is. As I was reading the "Family, a Proclamation to the World," again, I realized how really, really grateful I am for a man that lives his life to serve his family.

"By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families."

Snowflakes, back to Seashells

We were sitting on the couch together when we finally clicked the "buy tickets" button on Micah's laptop. We said one more prayer together, one last time, to make sure that if either of us had any last doubts, they would surface at that time. But neither of us felt any last-minute doubts, instead we both felt absolutely certain that this was the right move;the right thing to do.
It's been one week since we purchased our families one-way to tickets to Hawaii, and I have to admit, I am beyond happy!

Yes, we are moving to the lovely Polynesian islands!
It's so surreal to me still.
I am elated, and nervous, and excited, and overwhelmed, all at once!

I am selling things, getting rid of things, packing things, and all the while, mentally preparing myself for our whole world to change.

One night this week I had a dream that I was walking down the beach with the kids, catching sand crabs and collecting sea-shells. Then we all jumped into the warm, clear-blue ocean together. Micah was in the water doing back flips, and the baby was in my arms smiling happily. It was the most joyous dream, the kind that really feels real.

Then I woke up. It took me a moment to readjust my brain and realize where I was.
I quickly looked around to see I was still in our small city apartment, surrounded by traffic, and sidewalks, and neighbors that complain about our noise.

As my dream came back into focus, I got so unbelievably happy knowing that this dream would be our new reality.

Someone said the other day,"Aww, you're so lucky! I wish we knew what the heck we were doing! Maybe if we could figure things out, we could move where we want to, too."

My response,"Well, this decision didn't happen overnight! This is the result of us moving 4 times, working 5 different jobs, 6 years of college, 3 kids being born, 5 apartment rentals, 1 house foreclosure, 7 years of marriage, countless tax returns, 1 building of 1 savings account, and one big move to the big city, which forced us to do something different!"

Looking back on it all, if we had done what we wanted to do all the time, we wouldn't of gotten anything done that we had to do, and therefore we wouldn't have been able to build our family, and build our lives. You have to do the hard stuff first before you can do what you want. And oftentimes you may never live where you think you want, but will be happy where you are anyways. (God has a way of making that work out, too.)
This is a hard reality for a lot of people. Heck, it is hard for me! But, we're finally at a place where we can do some things that we want to do. And not only that, it's what we feel is the best choice.

Thanks to Micah for making my dreams come true.
First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes a baby in a baby carriage, then comes moving back to Hawaii.

Jonah, getting ready to walk on sand:

Hawaii and stuff

I'm starting to have pre-moving jitters and anxiety, about getting on a plane and relocating 3000 miles away! We don't officially have a job offer yet, but Micah and I have decided to make plans to move. Yes, it is an adventure, but yes, I am getting a bit nervous about it.

Believe it or not, it was Micah's idea to finally make the decision to move to Hawaii. Although I'm the one who grew up there, and I'm the one who has dreamed of moving back for so many years, I am also the one who had all these fears and reservations about making the plunge to just do it.
It seems that every time we brought it up these past years, I would get really turned off by the price of realty, or the loss of opportunities over there, or the fact that we'll be so far away from some of our family, and all our friends we've made on the mainland. After being here for 10 years, it was really hard for me to mentally part with it. I feel in so many ways that I have done all my growing up here. It was my move to the mainland that gave me my husband and my family, and my grown up life. I was feeling that, by moving away, I would be leaving myself here! It was a scary feeling, which encouraged all these other fears and reservations about moving over there. (Yes, I am an oddball, as if you didn't know that.)

Then my sweet Micah would hug me, and laugh at me, and do a bunch of research and thinking, and come back to counter my arguments. "We can afford our own land on the Big Island," he'd say. "We will have so much fun stuff to do and so many adventures to go on!," he'd argue. "We can come back every year and visit family, and I'll bet our friends will come to Hawaii to see us," he'd explain, making me realize that we can do it, and that it is what we really want to do.

And it is really what I want to do! In fact, the reality of our move is getting closer and closer, to where I can actually smell plumerias and taste manapua! das right!
And all those fears about moving, they are gone, gone, gone, like a jet-plane to Hawaii. Yes, I want to move back, and yes, I will be bringing my grown-up, married self along with me. ha ha.

So, I am so excited to get back to da kine! I am so excited to introduce our kids to sea turtles, and surfing, and rainforests, and mango trees. Micah and I are so excited to plant our seeds and roots in such a beautiful, natural paradise, where there is more than enough to do for all of us! Zadok is already so excited about all the animals. He asks us everyday what sorts of critters live on the land and in the sea. (He is planning out his Polynesian-creature-power suits)
I am really excited to plant myself in a community long-term, to get to know the people and the ward there, and be involved with all the little, wonderful things that make up life.


Back to the annoying jitters. So why these annoying jitters? Well, every morning now, I wake up and look around my house and think, "Oh my holy goodness, I have to do something with all this stuff!"
This apartment is filled with seven years of our marriage belongings, necessities, presents, souvenirs, furniture, books, toys, appliances, and stuff that we have collected as a family. When I was single I had 2 large boxes to my name! Now I have an entire household and more. Since we can't take it all with us, my huge, overwhelming task at hand is to organize, categorize, simplify, and downsize, until we are down to almost nothing but the essentials.

Well, almost the essentials. There's still a lot I can't part with.

I don't get attached to furniture, which is good. It will be easy to sell or get rid of all our dressers and beds and chairs and such. (which half of them came from thrift stores, anyways)
However, as I look around I can't help but sniffle over the thought of parting with my wooden, handcrafted, 1975 sewing-thread holder, or our nice set of glass Pyrex bowls we got at our wedding. Then there's little things like the snow globe of Temple Square that I got Micah for Christmas one year, and the toy keyboard we gave to Zadok while he was waiting for Odin to be born in the other room. What about those? They are cheap and replaceable, but hold nostalgic memories for me. Then there's the little knick knacks and kitchen things that we take for granted every day; the garlic press, the rolling pin, my beaded purse, and don't forget the junk drawer of random necessities that glues our whole family together!
Do I just let them all go and replace them later? And what about all the gifts we've received over the years? The toys that the boys love and cherish, and the wooden train set they love? I can't part with gifts! AAAAaaaaagh! This is making my head spin.
And what about giving stuff away? Does anyone need a nebulizer, a giant fan, or a popcorn popper? They are all free, along with boxes and boxes of other stuff I'll be producing over the next couple months.

On another note, I was thinking again this weekend how badly I want this to all work out, and asking God to hear my prayers about Micah getting a good job over there. Then the thought came to me that God wants me to be happy and live a life I love, but he also knows that I can be happy anywhere, because I have a family that I love.
This is really the thought that puts the icing on the cake for me. Hawaii is merely a tasty lick of frosting compared to what we already have.

So, I really hope we can get over there, and that Micah gets a job offer, but if we end up staying and working here, I won't cry and make a big fuss. Promise.

Seriously though, does anyone need a maddock?

waiting for the call

We've decided we really want to move to Hawaii, the place where I grew up and we both love. Micah flew over for a preliminary interview a couple weeks ago, and now all we can do is sit here and wait for the call.

Waiting is the really hard part. We know they need teachers, specifically in his field. We know they will be hiring. We know they need teachers and will be hiring right where we want to live. But we don't know if they will hire us.

This is the part that requires the utmost faith, that yes, God has a plan for us, and yes, whatever happens will be for the "welfare of thy souls."
We're doing all we can to work hard and make things happen in the direction we feel is right, and now we wait.
So, we are waiting for the call. Waiting, waiting, waiting......waiting for the future to unfold. I think they start hiring at the end of May. This waiting is going to be annoying.

Today I am focusing my positive energy and prayers in the direction of Hawaii. You, my little, tropical islands, are on my mind, and I can't wait to reunite with you, we think.

Mei Tais make friends

Our little Zadok was just 3 months old when we first moved to Idaho in 2006. Micah and I had lived in Los Angeles, CA for the first 2 years of our marriage, and were now beyond ready to move on. I'm still not sure what possessed us to choose Idaho, as neither of us had any real connections to the place. Micah had an aunt and uncle in Sugar City that he worked for before his mission, and I had heard of Idaho, but had never been there before.
I remember driving all night to get there, leaving the bustling, polluted, city lights behind us. We arrived in Sugar City early in the morning, where we finally got out of the cramped car and dumped ourselves onto Micah's families front lawn. When we woke up the next morning, we were Idahoans.
I can still remember the feeling of complete liberation as I saw the beautiful scene around us; green meadows of grass and flowers, tall fields of wheat, a little creek passing through the yard, and the majestic Grand Teton mountains standing tall in the distance. I was so happy to be in the country again.

After renting an apartment in Rexburg for 3 months, we ended up buying a house in a small town called Rigby, population 3000, which was about 25 mins South of Rexburg. It was a small, cottage type house where we planted a huge garden and put in a wood stove. I put Zadok in his little pouch almost everyday and went walking around the neighborhood, breathing in the country air. I was happy there, but starting to really feel like I needed to find some friends that I connected with.

It was one Sunday at church that I finally saw another Mom wearing her baby in a sling. Our eyes caught immediately and I knew it was friendship at last.
This Mama introduced me to the Mei-tai babycarrier, which is, to this day, my most favorite baby sling in the world. She gave me my first Mei-tai as a gift, then taught me how to pick out the right fabrics and sew them, and then how to really enjoy babywearing as an integral part of my whole parenting experience.
I already knew that wearing your baby in a sling means more than buying a product; it's a powerful way to connect with your baby, and ease the challenges of parenting. However, owning a Mei-tai, made it all so much more enjoyable!
Micah and I have countless experiences of wearing our babies close to us to get through hard things, like teething, sickness, crankiness, owies, and fears. Especially Zadok, who is so shy, the Mei-tai really helped him feel secure. I can still remember the way he'd snuggle his head down into my chest when we entered a busy room.

It's no wonder my eyes perk up whenever I see another Mom with her baby in a sling, because there's always that possibility that she might feel the same way I do about babywearing. (Although, I realize It's not always that way, but the chances are high in my favor.) Finding friends is often difficult when you move to a new place, so having this commonality made it much easier for me. (And yes, I eventually made new friends who didn't wear their babies in slings, too.)

So although Idaho wasn't really where we wanted to stay forever and we've since moved on, that's where I first discovered that Mei-tais make friends.

This is our very first Mei-tai, gifted from our friend. In this photo, I hadn't learned how to use it correctly, yet. (Notice the bunched-up straps.)

Check out my "babywearing" label for more babywearing pix and info

The Ice -cream parlor

When I first moved to Provo Utah in 2002, to attend college, I knew about one person. It was a huge adjustment for me, moving to this new town and starting out brand new. The school was so big and so different from my small hometown college in Hawaii.
I found a place to live with 3 other girls whom I had nothing in common with and didn't feel compelled to hang out with. There were some lonely weeks walking to and from my classes, waiting to meet and make new friends. I tried to be social and smile at all the strangers I met, but it wasn't until months after I moved there that I finally found my social niche, and found the friends I really connected with. (friends that are still some of my besties today)

I remember one, cold, snowy night at the very beginning, my roommate came home and convinced me to go to a church social FHE, where all the single college students from our church got together once a week to do some fun activity or another. She really had to twist my arm to go, as I had been to one before, and it didn't really knock my socks off.
I finally concluded that I could use some social interaction, so I went. I figured it wouldn't hurt to make some new acquaintances, and maybe even a new friend.

This particular night about 25 students were car-pooling to an ice-cream parlor for shakes. I jumped in a car with a bunch of girls and guys I didn't know very well. We chit chatted and exchanged names. We ordered ice-cream and talked about school. After we finished our ice-cream shakes I excused myself and went to the restroom.
When I came out several minutes later everyone was gone. I couldn't believe it. I had to walk about 2 miles back to my house in a downpour of snow! It was cold, dark, and pretty scary. I knew in my heart of hearts they didn't leave me on purpose. I found out later what happened was that nobody knew me well enough to care which car I came in, or which car I was driving home in, so they all just ignorantly left me there.
That experience made me kind of bitter at first, but led me to laugh about it later on, when I finally found wonderful friends who cared about me.

Hilo to Portland to who knows where.......

We've been putting a lot of consideration into where our next move will be, and Hilo, HI has been on our list. Other places of interest are Portland, OR, and moving back to good old Cedar City, UT.
If you asked me where I would want to live for the rest of my life I would hands-down vote for a beautiful, beachfront property in Mokuleia, Oahu. If you haven't stepped onto the secluded beaches of Mokuleia, then imagine the most perfect, peaceful paradise, surrounded by crystal clear water, swaying palm trees, awesome surf, laid back people. I love it there. In fact, I love so many things about where I grew up. To me, the North Shore is home. All of my wonderful memories of Hawaii exist solely on the island Of Oahu, where I found a connection and love for the ocean that will stay with me forever. But, the housing market has risen so much over the years, that living on the North Shore isn't possible for us. It's too expensive--like a million dollars too expensive.

So, we looked towards the outer islands and found that Hilo is still affordable--we could buy a house and property in Hilo, which is what we want for our family. So, why not move to Hilo? It's Hawaii, right?
But, as I've been pondering and praying over this, I came to realize--it's not my Hawaii, and It's not my home. When I think of moving back to Hawaii, I don't think I could live anywhere else besides the North Shore of Oahu. And this may seem like crazy thinking, but why settle for somewhere that your not sure you'd like, when you know you could be happy in say...Portland, OR. Or what about going back to our beloved Cedar City, UT and settling on our land?

Right now we feel like our next big move we make, well, we want it to be it. I want to buy a house and raise my kids there for the next 100 years. I want to make marks in the walls of how tall they get. I want the security and comfort of a permanent address. I want to plant little, baby trees and watch them grow to be big, adult trees. I want our kids to put their hand prints in the newly-poured cement, and see it there 30 years later. I want a dog and some chickens. I want us to start working towards the goal of buying a home that we will love.

So, although we can't live in Mokuleia, a huge part of me wants to linger on the possibility of moving to Hilo, because I'm just not ready to completely let go of Hawaii! I think of all the awesome things I love about Hawaii--the ocean, the surf, the marine life, the rain forests, the bonfires, the laid back and diverse culture, the smell of the Plumerias blooming in Spring, teaching my boys how to surf......and I want that life. But I don't want Hilo.
So we've been looking into moving to Portland, which we both know we love. It's a beautiful place and I think we could be really happy there. And we could be happy in Cedar City, but who knows when there will be a job opening there for Micah.

Sometimes I just want someone to jump out of the bushes and tell us where we'd be happiest living; where our dreams are actually lying, waiting for us.

Wheels and deals

I've been browsing the local thrift stores for furniture and odds and ends for the house. I purchased a used couch from Savers, some lamps for the light-less rooms, and two bar stools for the kitchen. Other than that, I don't feel a huge motivation to furnish the apartment. Maybe it's because we probably have to move again in a year, and moving all this crap in was such a pain the arse. Or maybe it's because furniture costs money, and spending money on furniture is the least of my favorite things to do. Anyways, the point is, I am happy living out of boxes for now. There's also a fun game we like to call, "See how long we can go before we get something for free," that that's fun to play. There's always someone trying to get rid of a book shelf or a dresser, or an end-table....you just have to wait.very patiently.and be happy finding your underwear at the bottom of a box every day in the meantime.

Above is a picture of the stack of chaos we created, before we left our last apt. This picture makes me shudder with fear. Moving sucks.

Speaking of thrift stores, I just want to share my most awesome thrifting find ever--a plastic banana slicer. Never have I come across such an amazing contraption as this one. You just put it over the banana, push down, and there you have instant banana wheels!


I wish I could tell you where you can get one, so you could be as excited as me. Here is Odin below, enjoying his insta-wheels. On a side note, we discovered that one cool thing about your name beginning with "O" is that you find O's everywhere you g0--making your name so much more exciting! Odin finds O's in almost everything these days-from oranges to coins to DVD's to pancakes to banana wheels. His little face lights up as he exclaims,"It's an O for ODIN!" So cute!

Get ready

Get ready for a huge up-chuck of blog posts coming up! We are settled in, the internet is now hooked up, I found my camera cord, and I have photos and stories to share. Right now I am going to bed, but here's a sneak preview:


Is that not the cutest bundle of love ever??? This is where our little Jonah hangs out a lot of the time. When we were introduced in our new ward last week, I stood up in front of our congregation with him wrapped to me like this. There was an outburst of oooohs, ahhhhs and chuckles in the pews. I don't think anyone can resist the cuteness of a baby bundled up on his Mama.
See ya soon. :)

in transition, part 2

We are moving into our new apartment tomorrow and I am stoked! Looking for a place to live was actually easier than I thought, although I was pretty overwhelmed with it for about 2 days. For the price we wanted to pay, we realized we had two choices: live in a teeny tiny house with a teeny tiny yard in a teeny tiny neighborhood, or live in some larger apartments, with awesome amenities attached, both the same price. After some serious debate about the pros and cons of each, we went for the apartment. I think the "year-round swimming pool" sealed the deal for me. I can honestly never ask myself, "What the crap do we do out of this house while it's freezing snowing out??" because the answer is now simple--go swimming! So yeah for that!

And yeah that Micah really enjoys his teaching job, too! He is teaching biology, physics, and chemistry to high school aged boys at a therapeutic boarding school. He comes home every day and we get to eat dinner as a family, which is something I value. I also value a husband and father who comes home feeling good because he likes his job. I am so glad we made this move, if only for that reason. Micah deserves it!

So there we have it-- we moved. again. We really haven't lived in the same place for more than 2 years since we've been married. Heck, I haven't lived anywhere for more than 2 years for the past 10 years! So, who knows where the wind will take us next. I do know that, Wherever we go, whatever we do, we're gonna take this luggage with us! (if you've seen Joe Vs. the Volcano you'd understand)

Anyways, as soon as I find that cord I'm posting some pictures of Jonah. He is so stinkin cute I can't stand it! And I'm pretty sure any picture of Jonah has Odin attached to his head, smothering him with brotherly kisses. And I'm sure that any picture of Jonah and Odin probably has Zadok and Micah in the background playing their new favorite game, Bugdom. And I'm sure that any picture of Jonah, Odin, Zadok, and Micah in it, has me smiling in the background at how much I love my little family of boys. So, there's some mental images to hold you over!

in transition, part 1

I think the cord that connects my camera to the computer is lost somewheres in moving land, because otherwise I would be posting pictures of how amazingly chubbilicious and cute our baby Jonah is getting! He is really growing fast. That little, fragile newborn stage lasted about 3 weeks and then BAM!-- giant baby! He is such a sweet baby, too. He has been doing some serious lounging throughout this whole move, taking life easy. I'm so glad he is here to balance me out, as I have been the opposite. Wearing him in his little Mei-tai, snuggling with him all night, and stopping to nurse him are my most treasured moments.

Well, blogging obviously has to be tuned out quite a bit right now in order to get an organized, consistent routine going, while we are in transition,
So, here's a quick update as to what's going on in the big city.

First of all, the big city isn't really a big city. I hadn't spent a lot of time up here, except for Temple square, so I really had no idea what the suburbs of SLC were like. Before we left Cedar, our neighbor Joe told me that "it's getting so crowded up here, it's like living in L.A." Ummm...no, sorry. We've lived in Los Angeles and this isn't it.
It's basically beautiful up here and very Utah-esque feeling. The mountains stand big, beautiful, and proud off to the East, and the neighborhoods spread out for miles in every direction. Everything is green, with cottonwood trees in abundance! Everyone I've run into has been super friendly, and nobody seems like they are in a huge rush. People seem laid back up here. I was a little worried I would be stuck in the heart of big-fake boobs and big-Utah-hair country, but it doesn't seem so. (It's the little things that count.)

We are still staying at our friend's Mother's house. She is probably the nicest person in the world for letting a family of 5 take over part of her peaceful abode for a whole week. She has been so gracious and kind in making us feel right at home. We probably move into our new apt tomorrow.

Okay I gotta run--stay tuned for part 2.

small acts of kindess

After we got the house all packed up, the moving van loaded, and said a last goodbye to our apartment, we started driving to the big city. I took the two younger boys in my car, and Micah took our oldest son with him in the moving van. My boys fell asleep immediately and left me to drive in silence.
It was the first moment of quiet and solitude I had had in days, and the first time I actually had time to stop and think about what was really happening. The silence was really healing for my soul, as the last week had been nothing but non-stop packing, cleaning, organizing, minimal sleep, and caring for our family. I was exhausted to no end.

However, as I drove along I couldn't stop thinking about how blessed we were through all of this because of people around us who care. Yes, this last week was exhausting, but also so rich with friends and family who stepped out of their comfort zones to help us out. To name some of the services rendered, we had Micah's mother and brother drive up form California to help with the kids while we packed. Micah's brother did a lot of the lifting and moving, as well. I don't think we could have actually gotten anything done if they didn't come. That was such a huge blessing, I will never forget.
And then all the little thoughtful things started to add up--Neighbors bringing us food and meals while we packed, people giving us loads of moving boxes, people bringing over activities for our kids, a friend who offered to clean the apartment after we left (which was no easy task), neighbors who saw the moving van and ran over to help lift heavy boxes and furniture, a neighbor who took a load to the thrift store for us, a friend who helped me pack up the kitchen when i was reaching the end of my rope, and so on and so forth...the kind acts of service never seemed to end.

I'd like to say that I learned a huge lesson from this move, and that is "There is no act of kindness too small when you see someone in need." It really made me want to open my eyes up a little more and remember to do the little things that add up--to care a little more about the people around me.

As I drove along to our new destination, I didn't start crying because I had to move--I was crying because I felt an intense need to move forward and pass on the love that I felt. --Then I had to quickly wipe away my tears so I wouldn't crash while driving a car full of small children while pulling a huge trailer with beds and dressers on it.

Moving on

It's pretty surreal that I don't have time to cry and I don't have time for big goodbyes. We are packing up and moving to the Big city, and we have 6 days to do it! It's crazy, I know, but the Lord keeps blessing us with the right plan, and keeps helping us follow the right path. Things are falling into place and working out beautifully. Who was worried? he he

We've been anticipating this move for quite some time, and I have to admit that I feel so much relief and happiness finally knowing where we are going and what my husband will be doing for work. It's amazing how fast life can change on you. But we feel good about this change. Yes, I am sad to leave my little town life here. Just today we went to the park and ran into all sorts of friends. That's one thing I just love about small-town life--you always see a friendly face everywhere you go. I looked up at those big, red mountains and at the wonderful people around us and I almost shed a tear--then I remembered all the packing and cleaning I had to do. Ha! No time for tears! One thing I am truly looking forward to is having a bath tub. Oh, and most importantly, a Micah who gets to teach full time and be home with his family! Oh, and living in a real house, and being close to a zoo, and close to the Temple we were married in, and maybe even a dog someday. It's a good move for us.
So, the Big City calls-and we are responding with optimism and excitement for the adventures ahead.

I will miss you Cedar City, Utah and all our wonderful friends in it.
You will always have a special place in my heart, I hope we meet up someday on the same path and smile.

the cedar city bike path, with red mountains.

Preparing to vent.

I feel like this whole pregnancy I've been preparing for whatever comes ahead, weather it means packing up and moving right before the baby comes, packing up and moving right after the baby comes, or staying here a little longer...I feel like I've been really trying to mentally prepare for anything that could happen. But, It hasn't been very easy, and some days I am so over it!
The thing that stresses me out the most is the uncertainty of it all. We have no idea where Micah will land a job, or when it will start, or when we'll have to move, or where. (I know my friends get to hear this from me all the time, so you can skip this whole blog post if you want:)
So, I've been trying to focus more on preparing for the birth. I get these moments of excitement where I just can't wait for the baby to come, and want to speed up the whole process. I start organizing, and nesting, and talking with the boys about their new sibling--then next thing I know, I have a moment of fear, when I remember that we might be moving any week now, just as the baby could be coming any week now. Or worse yet, Micah will be gone at an interview when the baby comes!
These two things just don't go together very well.

Looking back in my personal journals really helps, because I am able to read about times past where I have felt really desperate, yet everything worked out for our good. It seems that I know deep down that everything will work out for our good, but I just can't grasp it some days. I guess today is one of those days.

Yesterday we went in for my 35 wk pre-natal appointment with our midwife. I was feeling extremely optimistic, and bubbly. I kept saying, "This baby could come any time soon now, eh?? I can't believe we've come this far, we're on the homestretch! I am so ready! Wooo-hoooooo!"
Then we checked the babies positioning and found that baby decided to go breech (flipped upside down, so it's feet are downward)! I know that vaginal breech births are possible, and within the range of normal, and I can still deliver a breech baby...I know, I know, I know....but seriously, do I need one more thing to think about?

I'm not sure if I feel any better writing this all down--but here it is anyways.
Sometimes, among all this preparing, I need to stop and vent.

Things I am doing today to feel better:
Remembering that if everything came easy, there wouldn't be any room for growth.
Thinking happy, positive, turning-baby thoughts.
Eating all the spinach from the garden.
Getting rid of stuff and taking it to D.I.
Making kites with the boys, and flying them.
Feeling happy that I am surrounded by good, positive friends and husband support.
Reading my scriptures, and talking with my Father in heaven.
Finishing a baby carrier for a dear friend who is about to pop.
Eating semi-sweet chocolate baking chips straight out of the bag.
Remembering that I am so blessed with a wonderful family, and we'll be okay.

Talking about moving....again

Moving is such a process! And such an emotional roller coaster for people like me who get attached to everything, everywhere I go!

I hated living in LA when we were first married, yet I cried when we left and said a somber goodbye to all the things I'd miss. I didn't feel at home in Idaho, either, yet leaving was hard because of all the wonderful people I loved. Now here we are, faced with the idea of having to move again--and my heart is literally ripped in two!

So, it basically comes down to two things which will determine where we move: Jobs and money. It's a hard reality, I know. Welcome to adulthood, I tell myself!
We wanted to move to Hawaii, but we would literally go in deep financial debt just flying over there! I realized that there are so many people out there who can't even find work right now, or are losing their businesses, so why should we put ourselves in such a tight spot just to move? Stupid. Had to rethink our plan! (PLUS, IT JUST WASN'T FEELING RIGHT...YA KNOW?)

We've thought about applying in Oregon, where there's plenty of schools, and also such a beautiful place to live (and an ocean!)! The thought of being closer to my two siblings was exciting! I always dreamed of getting to watch my nieces and nephews grow up.....or at least see them more than once a year.
Micah has always loved Oregon. In fact, we spent our honeymoon bumming around Portland.

I know this post is kind of boring you...but here's my point:
I just want some miracle to happen so we can stay here! We went out to our land last week, and I fell in love with it all over again. I want Micah to get a teaching job here, and for us to start building our home. I don't need Hawaii, or Oregon, or warmer weather, or the ocean, or even a culture that isn't quite as weird as this one. I just want our little family to enjoy life in this gorgeous place, where we can home school our kids in a happy community, raise our garden and farm animals, live our green life, run our community breastfeeding group, explore the great outdoors, serve others around us, watch my kids get dirty outside, and feel free-spirited, and find beauty in all the simple joys of life.
Is that too much to ask for?


Odin getting ready to work!


A fire pit and the view of the mountains from our land.


A shelter Micah built for shade. Roof is made from Cat-tails.


Two very happy, dirty boys, who spent all morning running around in the mud and sage!

p.s. We won't know what jobs are available anywhere, for several more months. So, here we sit, waiting, wishing, wondering.....

Looking for a dream

"Sometimes when you're looking for a dream. you get lost along the way and find another one."

This quote literally jumped out at me as I was walking down the aisle of an office supplies store last night. It was on the cover of a journal and I couldn't help but stand there for several minutes, reading it over and over. It seems to fit exactly how I am feeling right now about moving.

As some already know, Micah finishes school in April and then we apply for jobs. We've been seriously talking about applying for jobs back in Hawaii. When the subject first came up I was so overwhelmed with joy that I cried for hours. It just never occur ed to me that we could make that happen! I had resigned all of our lives to living on the mainland forever, and had already fully envisioned our future plans. I mean it was all perfect: The land, the awesome location, the beautiful desert mountains..raising our kids on a homestead full of animals and gardens........

"But Really?", was the first thought I had. "We could maybe live back in Hawaii? And afford it on your teachers salary? And possibly own a home? And live near the ocean again? And have an eternal summer of beach and sun and sand and surf, and all things seashells and Hawaii culture?" It was like a dream come true to be thinking about moving back to Hawaii again. All those years of suppressing my desire to be back at the ocean were suddenly resurfacing. Oh how I've longed to be back at my beloved ocean! I could suddenly get on FB and look at my friends pictures of beach and surfing, without choking up, because that was going to be us!! I've been counting down the days until I get to be there, imagining myself getting off the plane and being welcomed by the smell of plumerias and jungle rain. Home again!

As we've been knocking down the details of this move, it's been daunting, however, to find that getting a job in Hawaii isn't easy. Because of budget cuts they don't send recruiters to the mainland anymore, and Micah would have to fly there for the interview, if he gets one. Plus, we would be arriving there a month before our babies' due date, and I am worried about finding a house and not having this baby in a tent on the beach. (okay-it wouldn't be that bad...but you know--I need a place to set up my birth tub)
To add to the list, we would be moving on borrowed money, getting rid of almost everything we own, and did I mention I will be 9 months pregnant?

Sometimes I think it would be easier to just stay here--to try a little harder to find a job nearby, even if it means driving a little farther one year to St. George or something, until one opens up closer by.
We've been so blessed in this area, with wonderful friends, neighbors, church callings, many beautiful places to explore and discover, and more to do that hasn't even been done! There are so many things I will miss about this place. It's a beautiful place to raise a family. My heart is torn in two, and sometimes I wonder if this isn't the dream we found along the way.

As I was fervently meditating and praying on this one day I felt a distinct feeling in my heart that the Lord will bless our family, wherever we go. It was the most beautiful, powerful message I've received in a long time, and I was grateful for that loving affirmation.

For me, this means, it's completely up to us (and the department of education) to decide what is best, and what we will do, in the end. I just hope I know what dream to follow.